ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
