I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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