I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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