Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm really busy with my period
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