Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
