dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
