Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize