Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
