hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
