I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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