Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
