THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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