Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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