she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
