can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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