I'd wear matching sweaters with you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
