If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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