new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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