Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
