your thong is hanging out like whoa
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
