You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
