I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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