Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
