Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
