that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
