Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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