peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
