I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
