I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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