Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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