It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
