I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
