Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize