It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
