the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to sanitize my soul.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
