it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
