i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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