Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
