she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize