he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
