Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
