**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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