i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
