At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
