So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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