Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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