She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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