12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
