just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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