every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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