shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
