now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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