when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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