Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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