Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
