this beer tastes like vomit already
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
