I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize