Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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