is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I could make wine with my vomit
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
