I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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