her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
false alarm, still single
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