Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize