I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
