I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
